May 31

Door to door salesman

Tag: Insanity,Life Storieserm @ 2:29 am

Yesterday a door to door salesman came to my door.

Now usually I’m ok with these people. I’ll listen to their pitch, and then decide what to do next, today was a different story.


Let’s lay the background for the scene that I was about to play a part of.

  • 2 hours of sleep
  • Woke up at 2am
  • It was 4pm
  • I got hungry
  • Wife works grave yards
  • I’ve sold vacuums door to door before
  • Emotional stress because friends/family/talk show hosts are getting divorced and loosing jobs.
  • When I get hungry, I get a really short fuse, add sleep deprivation and I can go from pleasant to enraged in a few seconds.

    Now that we have that out of the way, let’s start with the presentation.

    The doorbell rings, and I go upstairs. Wondering who it could be. I don’t get visitors, and I’m wondering who wants to be my friend, and how much do I have to pay them. I figured it was a door to door salesman on my trek to the front door. Who else is it going to be, maybe it’s a neighborhood kid wanting to mow my lawn.  That would be awesome.

    So I open the door, and step outside lest the dogs/kids get out.

    He hands me this travel pack of Kleanex, and being half out of it from lack of sleep I stand there like an idiot. There was this little voice inside my head that was screaming “drop it go back in.” So I’m standing there watching him bring a box up to the door.

    I’m freaking out of it. Wondering what the flying flip is going on.

    He mumbles something about a spot just inside the door.

    I then mention to him, my wife works grave yards. Drifting in and out of coherency.

    After that I let him in. Screw it I don’t get many visitors, the house is a mess, and I was wondering what he was selling.

    The dude then begins to produce a kirby. I hate kirby. They are useful for anchors and that’s about it. In the realm of over priced vacuums I’ve only seen one that I liked, which is the tristar. I’ve never seen a rainbow, but it’s #1 in the do-not-buy-this-ever vacuum category, because you’ll end up getting a mold spore, the #2 is kirby. They are crap.

    I before he even started I asked him “bottom line how much is it?” I believe I asked him twice, however I was tired, I could have thought it once, then asked him once. Who knows.

    I know I asked him “I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me what the bottom line is before we get started?” Point being I wanted to know the cost before I started building value.  If I would have known the price ahead of time I could have saved us both an unpleasant experience.

    Throughout the entire demonstration he keeps vacuuming the same 3×3 area of the carpet. Which he kept bringing up dirt, which tells me that no matter what vacuum you use there is going to leave dirt. The fact that he was using it on the same spot told me also that it wasn’t that great.

    I noticed he had an outline of a pack of smokes, I was starting to get loopy, and thought a smoke would help. I was craving something, but it wasn’t sleep, it was food. However due to the lack of sleep, I wasn’t paying attention, and it’s rude to eat in front of guests.

    We went out to the garage to smoke, and I told him I wasn’t going to buy it today. I told him we were planning a trip, and needed the cash for the trip. I also mentioned that I used to sell vacuums. Electrolux and tri-star. (I like the tri-star much much more.) He asked me what happened? I told him that I took the day off, and got fired, because I thought I was an independent contractor. I guess not.

    Just before I snapped my wife walks out in the hall, and I inform her that someone selling vacuums is there. She went back in the room.

    Somewhere I told him, can we hurry this up? I could have sworn I told him we need to be quiet she works grave yards again, and please don’t turn it on again.

    After this the turn of events get really hazy, because I freaking snap. I don’t know if it’s because I told him my wife works graves, I saw the price, and went into shock.

    So he shows me the price, I’m freaking snapped $2700? Ok $2695 or something like that. Still way too much for me.

    I think somewhere that I point out that price is enough to make the house payment, car payment, pay all the bills and buy groceries for a month. WAY TOO MUCH.

    I believe at this point I told him something along the lines that we worked really hard to get out of debt. A car, a house that’s acceptable debt. A freaking vacuum, well I’d rather send the money to a third world country and give it to them than buy a luxury item like that. I could buy a server with that money.

    There is a LOT of crap I would buy for $2700 before I even considered a vacuum.

    Guy brings out the shampoo, and I’m thinking to myself that’s he just turned that on again, after I told him not to. What part of my wife works graves doesn’t he understand? That’s 1.

    I’m thinking to myself “maybe I should tell him my wife beats me and not to turn on the vacuum again because she’ll hurt me.”  I opt out of saying that because it’d be a lie.

    He goes into the “math” segment. I’m a little peeved. You want me to spend enough money to buy a half way decent car on a vacuum?!

    I know the “Math” spiel. It’s BS. Total BS. They are going to work the price of that dang thing down to the price of a gallon of milk for 5 years. He starts telling me every 2 years you have change your mattress BS, and that it’s illegal to buy used mattresses. Even though I point out to him I can buy one from good will. I can buy a gallon of milk every day, but the thing is if I forget to buy a gallon of milk 1 day, it gets repossessed, and my credit goes to crap, and let’s face it. I don’t buy a gallon of milk a day, and never will. Even with 2 kids in the house I’ve never bought that much milk.  I would be throwing out a lot of milk if I bought a gallon of milk a day.  Personally paying that much for that thing would have been just as sensible as buying a gallon of milk a day to me. He never went into a math speil. I told him, oh the math segment, so you’re going to work the price down to .25 a day or something now.

    He turns on the monstrosity again. I snap tell him to turn it off, and get out of my house. I said something along the lines of “If you would have told me what the price was before you started I wouldn’t have wasted your time.” Which is totally true. He said something about calling his boss, so he could make it affordable. I told him no you may not use my phone. Get your crap and get out of here. him:”can I call” me:”no get your crap out of here.” Listen man I have a medical condition, I’m hungry when I get hungry I get angry. Just ask him (pointing to my son) what happens when I get like this. Can I use your sink to wash this out. No there’s a hose on the side of the house use that. Him:”can I call” me:”Do you want me to call the cops?!”

    At some point, you stop being nice, and you start to yell just to get the dang result you want. Screw pleasantries, you’re in my house. I told you I can’t afford it, and I’m not going to buy it. You could knock $1000 off the top and I’d still wouldn’t buy it. I told him in the garage I wasn’t going to buy it today, and dang it I’m not going to buy it today. I already decided I would pay $1000 max for the thing. (That’s still way too much.)

    He tells me I’m something else.

    He starts packing his stuff, and things are quiet. He’s going pretty slow.

    I came down from my angry rush/price shock, and told him I was sorry several times before he left. I mentioned that I was tired, and had been up since 2. Hopefully he realized it was 2am, and not 2pm. Told him I was sorry again.

    He was going to try and pick up the dirt pads (which in my mind I was expecting to just leave them to spite me.) “you’ve done enough already.” is what I said in response to his query.

    I offer him the phone at this point, he calls his boss, no answer.

    He gets his crap outside, and starts to use the hose. I start sweeping up the dirt pads, and because the kitchen trash was full, I was taking the dustpan to the trash outside.

    Then I took out the full kitchen trash.

    I offered him the phone at this point, he gets a hold of him. Then he said “I’ll tell you about it later.”

    The weather wasn’t the greatest, and I told him I was about ready to give him a coat.

    I guess we both learned something yesterday. Never ever EVER go into anyones house who has a person who works the grave yard, and is sleeping.

    Looking back at the whole experience I really wish I would have handed the packet of kleenex back and told him my wife works grave yards, come back tomorrow at 9am, when she’s awake and I’ll be more than happy to watch your demonstration.

    However because I didn’t I ended up snapping, and giving him a story that he will never forget, and hopefully he can find a better job.

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